Perfectionism -- Is It a Good Thing?
Perfectionists are people who never feel what they accomplish is good enough. They feel they must extend more than 100 percent with every task or else be labeled as mediocre or even as failures. Perfectionism also is closely associated with procrastination, the incessant putting off of projects until you feel you can get them just right.
Many contractors procrastinate because they "don't have the time." But it also may be a sign of perfectionist attitudes preventing you from doing something that might achieve 90 percent of your objectives and be much better than your current methods, even if it?s not perfect.
Psychologists tend to define three distinct types of perfectionism:
- Self-oriented, meaning you set high standards for yourself that are impossible to meet;
- Other-oriented, with a tendency to direct your high expectations toward others, especially employees or subordinates;
- Socially-prescribed perfectionism, feeling like the people around you expect too much from you.
Perfectionism can easily lapse into stress and depression. This is because severe perfectionists are never satisfied. They always raise the bar so it is just beyond their reach, so in their own eyes, they always are failures.
The following Web site contains a quiz intended to evaluate your tendencies toward perfectionism and which of the above three types you tend toward. Check it out at: www.queendom.com/tests/personality/perfectionism_access.html.
As for what to do about it, some good advice comes from the State University of New York (SUNY) at Potsdam Counseling Center. Although originally aimed at students, the advice offered seems pertinent to everyone. It's summarized as follows.
Causes of PerfectionismIf you are a perfectionist, it is likely you learned early in life that other people valued you because of how much you accomplished or achieved, i.e., conditional love. As a result, you may have learned to value yourself only on the basis of other people's approval. Thus, your self-esteem may have come to be based primarily on external standards. This can leave you vulnerable and excessively sensitive to the opinions and criticism of others. In attempting to protect yourself from such criticism, you may decide that being perfect is your only defense.
Various negative feelings, thoughts and beliefs may be associated with perfectionism, as follows:
A Vicious CyclePerfectionistic attitudes set in motion a vicious cycle. First, perfectionists set unreachable goals. Second, they fail to meet these goals because the goals were impossible to begin with --failure to reach them thus was inevitable. Third, the constant pressure to achieve perfection and the inevitable chronic failure reduce productivity and effectiveness. Fourth, this cycle leads perfectionists to be self-critical and self-blaming, which results in lower self-esteem.
It also may lead to anxiety and depression. At this point, perfectionists may give up completely on their goals and set different unrealistic goals, thinking, ?This time, if only I try harder, I will succeed.? Such thinking sets the entire cycle in motion again.
This vicious cycle can be illustrated by looking at a way in which perfectionists often deal with interpersonal relationships. Perfectionists tend to anticipate or fear disapproval and rejection from those around them. Given such fear, perfectionists may react defensively to criticism, and in doing so, frustrate and alienate others. Without realizing it, perfectionists also may apply their unrealistically high standards to others, becoming critical and demanding of them. Furthermore, perfectionists may avoid letting others see their mistakes, not realizing that self-disclosure allows others to perceive them as more human and thus more likable.
Because of this vicious cycle, perfectionists often have difficulty being close to people and therefore have less than satisfactory interpersonal relationships.
Healthy StrivingIt's important to understand the difference between self-defeating perfectionism and the healthy goal setting and striving that business owners need in order to compete effectively. Healthy strivers tend to set goals based on their own wants and desires, rather than primarily in response to external expectations. Their goals usually are just one step beyond what they have already accomplished.
In other words, their goals are realistic, internal and potentially attainable. Shooting for a 10 percent increase in revenues is realistic. Aiming to double sales may not be. Healthy strivers take pleasure in the process of pursuing the task at hand rather than focusing only on the end result. When they experience disapproval or failure, their reactions generally are limited to specific situations rather than generalized to their entire self-worth.
The first step in changing from perfectionistic attitudes to healthy striving is to realize that perfectionism is undesirable. Perfection is an illusion that is unattainable. The next step is to challenge the self-defeating thoughts and behaviors that fuel perfectionism. Some of the following strategies may help:
- Set realistic and reachable goals based on your own wants and needs and what you have accomplished in the past. For instance, rather than shoot for a 10 percent increase in sales every year, make your goal to sell more this year than last, even if it?s only by a dollar. This will enable you to achieve and also will lead to a greater sense of self-esteem.
- Set subsequent goals in a sequential manner. As you reach a goal, set your next goal one level beyond your present level of accomplishment. For instance, if your goal is to lower your golf handicap, don't aim to bring it down from 15 to 10. Aim to bring it down to 14, then next year shoot for 13 and so on.
- Experiment with your standards for success. Choose any activity and instead of aiming for 100 percent, try for 90 percent, 80 percent or even 60 percent success. This will help you to realize that the world does not end when you are not perfect.
- Focus on the process of doing an activity, not just on the end result. Evaluate your success not only in terms of what you accomplished, but also in terms of how much you enjoyed the task. Recognize that there can be value in the process of pursuing a goal.
- Use feelings of anxiety and depression as opportunities to ask yourself, "Have I set up impossible expectations for myself in this situation?" Confront the fears that may be behind your perfectionism by asking yourself, "What am I afraid of? What is the worst thing that could happen?"
- Recognize that many positive things can only be learned by making mistakes. When you make a mistake, ask, "What can I learn from this experience?" More specifically, think of a recent mistake you have made and list all the things you can learn from it.
- Avoid all-or-none thinking in relation to your goals. Learn to distinguish the tasks you want to give high priority to from those tasks that are less important to you.
Once you have tried these suggestions, you are likely to realize that perfectionism is not a helpful or necessary influence in your life. There are alternative ways to think that are more beneficial. Not only are you likely to achieve more without your perfectionism, but you will feel better about yourself in the process.