Feeding the birds ended up being for the birds.
First, let me give you an update on the most important person in my life – bin-Lottie, my personal terrorist. She underwent successful surgery, is recovering very well (stubborn drillers’ wives do that …), and now is working through the indignities of chemotherapy pretty well.
Over the years, I’ve noticed that women sometimes will spend untold amounts of money and many hours at a beauty salon getting a makeover. When their respective drillers get home, they ask if he notices anything different. We usually answer with something like, “Smells like we’re having pork chops for supper.” This response generally generates one of those eye-rolling looks and an explanation that she had her hair done and we should immediately take notice and buy her a new Mercedes or something. Men usually just don’t notice such things. We’ve all been there.
When Lottie started her chemo, as predicted, she started shedding more than my tomcat. This didn’t sit well with her, so she went to town and had her head shaved. Funny thing is: When I got home, I didn’t notice right away – she’s still Lottie to me. I’m too old to train a replacement, so she’s got to get through this thing and last a while longer (than me). She doesn’t have too much energy – about enough for about two hours a day before she has to give up and take to the Ez chair – but she won’t quit. While I was at the show in Myrtle Beach, she mowed the lawn! Took three days for a two-hour job, but she got it done.
Early this spring, we put up some bird feeders around the back porch, so we could sit and drink our morning coffee and watch the birds before the day started and got hot. After a few days, we had dozens of birds visiting the feeders, taking advantage of the free food. It was fun to watch at first.
Then, the birds started building nests above the patio, on the porch and over the barbeque. Funny thing about birds: Everything they eat eventually comes out the other end. Pretty soon, we had bird droppings everywhere – on the chairs, the table, the barbeque pit, everywhere. Then some of the birds turned mean; they would dive-bomb me when I got near their nests, and peck at me, even though I was feeding them out of my own pocket. If the feeders became empty – or even got low – they would squawk day and night, and demand more free food. We quit going out on the porch for our morning coffee – it wasn’t worth the hassle. I took down the bird feeders, and in three days, the birds were gone. Cleaned up the mess, and now we have our porch back.
This got me thinking about our government. We provide free food, free medical care, free education and automatic citizenship for everyone born here, and the illegal aliens came by the millions. Our taxes went up to pay for all this “free” stuff. Half the kids in my granddaughter’s class can’t speak English, and don’t want to learn; half of the radio ads are in Spanish, and I have to press “1” to speak English! The streets are full of people waving foreign flags, demanding more rights. Cereal boxes now come in Spanish. I could go on ….
Almost all of our ancestors, unless we are American Indians, came from somewhere else with one goal in mind – to become Americans. They learned the language, traditions and laws of our country. Sure, I’m proud of my Irish ancestry, but my ancestors didn’t bring the IRA with them. They dedicated their lives to becoming Americans in every way.
Now, illegal immigrants (I would call them trespassers) want to bring their countries with them and expect me to adapt to their cultures. This is not the tradition that America was founded on. It seems that neither party will do anything about it: the Republicans want someone to mow their yards, and the Democrats want cheap votes. It’s about the only thing they agree on.
It’s about time to take down the bird feeder.
The World According to Wayne: Lottie's Bird Feeder
October 1, 2007